I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
