I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
