Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
