They should really pass out barf bags in church
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
