I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize