so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
