um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
