I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
