you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
