im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
