If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
