separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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