He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
