i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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