There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
