I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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