Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize