Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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