Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
