I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize