Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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