Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
