I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
