just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
