I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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