u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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