There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
