Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
someone owes me an orgasm
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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