You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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