i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
