I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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