wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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