i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
