Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
