3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
