I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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