Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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