I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
