No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
