If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
