he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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