Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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