I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So vagazzling was a success
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
