There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
