dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
