Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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