That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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