i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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