someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
