Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i drank out of a bidet.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is it penis luge time yet?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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