my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
