there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
