Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
