brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
