i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
