In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
MIDGETS
????
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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