it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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