your room smells of hookers.
And success
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
