Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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