life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
