I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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