hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
