Just fell off a train. Bad.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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