I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
