There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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